Revolution is breaking through limitations of Past, desires of the Present and uncertainties the Future - to find something new and true.
Are we allowed to grow?
Seems like a silly question, standing on very high pedestal of the human ego, but some days I’m fortunate enough to come down. It is easier and more appealing especially these days, to display a life of ease, comfort and having it all together. Social media has exacerbated this condition further, helping people recreate the lives of their favorite celebrity. The danger of this is that it is a lie: What being in the world guarantees us is Tribulation; only being in Jesus can offer any Peace. And Peace is a spirit - the depressed and tormented can testify - it is the spirit of Christ.
“I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; for I have overcome the world” - John 16:33
So I found myself meditating on growth this week, because it seemed like every so often, all the progress I have made in my walk with God is threatened by one of many things:
The past - and those who knew me
The present - and the things I yet desire
The future - and the uncertainties of it
At this point in my journey, I am not afraid of threats. It is the nature of the kingdom I belong to, as scripture says the Kingdom of God suffers violence and the violent take it by force. Growth will never be allowed, it must be taken by force of faith. Every progression I have made in this kingdom has taken a push and a press, and I would have it no other way, it has made me a warrior - God’s weapon of war.
“You are My battle-ax and weapons of war: For with you I will break the nation in pieces; With you I will destroy kingdoms; With you I will break in pieces the horse and its rider; With you I will break in pieces the chariot and its rider” - Jeremiah 51: 20-26
And yet those things that threaten spiritual growth inevitably pop up every now and then, so let’s consider them without fear or judgement.
The Past - and those who knew me
We all have a past. The Past is quite literally the difference between yesterday and today; where we used to be and where we are now. I can’t dive into every detail of my salvation testimony now but I think this diary calls for context. I haven’t always been on fire for the Word of Faith, and a carrier of God’s grace. In fact, I handed my life over to the Son of God on November 22, 2020 - during a six hour encounter that started as a simple worship session. I fell deep in the spirit, something not abnormal to me at this time, wherein I saw great and unimaginable things; some with my eyes and others with my heart. It is hard to explain, and we will discuss dreams, visions, trances and the rest of them as time goes on.
At this point I had spent the year 2020 emptying myself of “religion”, in the search for Truth, starting in February that year. Honestly, environment matters: what you are exposed to matters. I was born and raised Catholic, with an incredible praying mother (major key), so I knew and sensed God but I was mostly in control of my own life until that day in November. I wasn’t an atheist - I don’t think atheism makes any sense but I know that spiritual blindness is a spirit, so I sympathize. How do you explain the glory of this earth? The glory of the heavens that we can see? To deny God exists has to be the deepest form of bondage, and I truly pray for everyone under this bond.
Yet, I was under a bond of my own. I knew God existed, and having grown up Catholic, going to Catholic school and having a highly retentive memory, I knew vast portions of the Bible and recalled it more than many around me. Sadly, knowing portions of the Bible by heart is about as good as knowing the “Law”, yet lacking the Spirit that gives the Word Life. And so I was not sure that Jesus the Son was a reality at all. It sounds incredibly foolish to me now, but you would be surprised how cunning our adversary can be. Enlightenment can be reduced to foolishness, brilliance can be reduced to dullness. God forbid. Looking back now, I was indeed a solid candidate for a Pauline encounter.
I tell people that when I decided in February 2020 to let go of everything I had been taught about “church” to find Truth for myself, heaven rejoiced. God does not care about religious affiliations and activities, it is the heart He seeks first:
“Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with me.” - Revelation 3:20
You won’t believe how far and deep I searched everything written under the sun, every belief that exists, looking for the Truth. Later on, this search would ground my convictions. I didn’t want to take the opinion handed down to me, I sought him for myself - and Truth is a person:
“Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” - John 14:6
Through this search I drew closer to God, and to a Spirit that I became familiar with, as he was guiding my search. I had received prophecies to that same effect, that a great white Light followed me. I learned through that process and since, that no prophet should be telling me anything I cannot confirm through my own relationship with God. I remember asking for the name of this Spirit in prayer, and postulating that it might be the Lord Jesus, but it wasn’t until November 22, 2020 that I saw him and he marked me. I recognized him; we had walked together all the 9 months before I acknowledged him, because nobody comes to the Father except through him. He was able to access me because my heart was open only for Truth, and eventually he revealed Himself and the scales fell off my eyes - and right then I made him my Lord, Master, Savior and forever Lover.
I think that was a better use of time than to dwell on the sentiments of those who used to know me. I will say that there are people who knowing nothing of your journey, and really not caring either way, will attempt to belittle the progress you are making because their lives lack the transformation they are witnessing in you - and they do not understand. The world does not understand change. It makes sense, because outside of God and without his Spirit, transformation is impossible. Often, your new life will still include old associations - perhaps for a time, or for life. Some of these associations will belittle you, label you and mock your new consecration - but none of that can stop you from reaching your destination in the depths of God.
When Eliab, David’s oldest brother, heard him speaking with the men, he burned with anger at him and asked, “Why have you come down here? And with whom did you leave those few sheep in the wilderness? I know how conceited you are and how wicked your heart is; you came down only to watch the battle.” - 1 Samuel 17:28
David had been anointed to the knowledge of his brothers. I can assume they knew his abilities and encounters, because he had killed the lions and bears that threatened their family’s sheep, even being the smallest of all of the brothers! Yet having a courage they obviously lacked (as none of them or the entire army had stepped forth to take on Goliath) they mocked and judged his bravery in their limited understanding. I love David’s response:
“And David said, “What have I done now? Was it not but a word?” And he turned away from him toward another..” - 1 Samuel 17: 29-30
Receiving the revelation in this verse this week, I vowed that when faced with opposition to my growth, I will turn my focus away. And we know how the story ends: what God has started cannot be stopped, not by an army, or by your family, or by any device of the enemies of your body and soul. I learned to be mindful of my focus.
The Present - and the things I yet desire
Has anyone else noticed how that God seems to grant early gifts to those who come to first know him? I am a woman of science and study, I notice patterns whether I want to or not. I noticed this early in my journey and it made me smile: God is really good, and he remains the same. I remember a sister-friend of mine who finally came to the light of Christ running to share all her new good gifts and testimonies with me. It was so powerful and I praised God because his word says we will taste and see that the Lord is good. In my own situation, I remember miracles bursting out from all ends early on after I saw the Truth, including a 45% increase in my salary coming to me with great ease - it was unbelievable.
I pray that we never get used to God. I remember the Lord telling me to keep my awe and wonder - I would need it. These early signs are a gift to those who believe, to strengthen us. We must understand that God knows us well - our desires, inclinations and the afflictions of the human condition. Jesus made sure of it with his walk on earth, it is why he is our great High Priest - he knows our suffering firsthand and in real time. The good thing about a long distance walk with God is that after we have tasted and seen, we develop high expectations. But this good thing can become a trying thing when our expectations appear to be delayed:
Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life. - Proverbs 13:12
Our expectations for our lives can never be higher than God's thoughts and plans for us. Yet knowing this, there are still times I struggle with the burden of unfulfilled expectations. This is normal and natural, we are human and new birth does not translate us into angels. Along those lines, I was on a plane this week returning home, and I meditate a lot on planes - perhaps something about the mild soundproofing and the elevation. I was reading a book on faith, and was suddenly overcome with my heart's desires yet to manifest. Knowing what to do, I turned my face towards the window and I prayed, and the Word of God came to me:
“When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, and the son of man that you care for him? Yet you have made him a little lower than God [some translations say angels or heavenly beings], and crowned him with glory and honor. You have given him dominion over the works of your hands; you have put all things under his feet” - Psalm 8: 3-6
I smiled between tears, thinking: if I were an angel would I not go right to the things that I desire, pick them up without asking, dust them off and take them home with me? How is it that I am a little lower than God with all things under my feet, and yet I have waited and prayed for this one thing, confident that I will have it but knowing not the day or the time? And as I spoke with my God, the feedback continued:
“But about that day or hour no one knows, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father.” - Matthew 24:36
Sure, this verse concerns the second coming of Jesus Christ. But the spirit used it to reveal and redeem my mind in that moment.
Angels hearken only to the word of God - all of heaven does. Most of the time when Jesus showed up in a place and changed the lives of the people there on the spot - the lepers, the blind, the woman with the issue of blood, the woman bowed down, the woman of Nain on her way to bury her dead son - it is my understanding that he was only passing by. But it would appear he was always at the right place at the right time:
So Jesus explained, “I tell you the truth, the Son can do nothing by himself. He does only what he sees the Father doing. Whatever the Father does, the Son also does.” - John 5:19
Being the living Word of God, full of the Spirit of God, Jesus was always in the exact place and time that the Father wanted him. This place can be known as the Will of God. It is to this place the Father sends His Word which comes with power, and in this place at the right time, lives are changed, and hope is restored - and biblically, restoration comes with speed:
“But those who trust in the LORD will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles.” - Isaiah 40:31
Faith is a gift, and our adversary is a thief. What thief steals rubbish and trash? None. One of the costliest things we can lose is our faith in God and the hope of our expectations. There is abundant scriptural evidence that when things seem the most hopeless is like the darkest part of the night - right before the great unstoppable light of dawn breaks out. The reason those who wait receive wings is that delay has no impact on those that wait on God - not those that take matters in their own hands, no, those receive whatever is available within their strength and control. But for us who trust God, we will find strength when the world expects us to faint; we will fly when the world expects us to walk. I always remind myself that I have a choice, and in that same breath I choose the way of the Lord.
The Way of the Lord: Prayer
I will never stop emphasizing prayer. In my last post I explored Prophet Habakkuk’s dynamics of prayer from Habakkuk 2:1 - a powerful revelation on what to expect from our investments in prayer. One of these things is that the Lord will speak to us. When worry sets in, when your environment fights you, when uncertainties threaten the joy of the Holy Spirit, prayer is our answer. It is in prayer that divine answers come; not in phone conversations of worry and complaints to family and friends - but in Prayer.
I was in a conference this week (it is so powerful to fellowship with the brethren; Psalm 104) and I learned of the powerful confessions of St Patrick “the Apostle of Ireland” who changed the spiritual landscape of Ireland in his time. He was Scottish, but went to Ireland as a slave. He would go back home but the Spirit would call him back to Ireland in a vision - his destiny was beyond his understanding. Things are never ever as they appear to us.
St Patrick prayed these powerful confessions that I have been using to start my mornings, until every revelation in them is a reality in me. Every time I pray them, I am filled with a fire I cannot explain and I share them now, as instructed:
The Confessions of ST Patrick of Ireland
I arise today
Through a mighty strength, the invocation of the Trinity,
Through a belief in the Threeness,
Through confession of the Oneness (of the Trinity)
Of the Creator of creation.
I arise today
Through the strength of Christ's birth and His baptism,
Through the strength of His crucifixion and His burial,
Through the strength of His resurrection and His ascension,
Through the strength of His descent for the judgment of doom.
I arise today
Through the strength of the love of cherubim,
In obedience of angels,
In service of archangels,
In the hope of resurrection to meet with reward,
In the prayers of patriarchs,
In preachings of the apostles,
In faiths of confessors,
In innocence of virgins,
In deeds of righteous men.
I arise today
Through the strength of heaven;
Light of the sun,
Splendor of fire,
Speed of lightning,
Swiftness of the wind,
Depth of the sea,
Stability of the earth,
Firmness of the rock.
I arise today
Through God's strength to pilot me;
God's might to uphold me,
God's wisdom to guide me,
God's eye to look before me,
God's ear to hear me,
God's word to speak for me,
God's hand to guard me,
God's way to lie before me,
God's shield to protect me,
God's hosts to save me
From snares of the devil,
From temptations of vices,
From every one who desires me ill,
Afar and anear,
Alone or in a multitude.
I summon today all these powers between me and evil,
Against every cruel merciless power that opposes my body and soul,
Against incantations of false prophets,
Against black laws of pagandom,
Against false laws of heretics,
Against craft of idolatry,
Against spells of women and smiths and wizards,
Against every knowledge that corrupts man's body and soul.
Christ shield me today
Against poison, against burning,
Against drowning, against wounding,
So that reward may come to me in abundance.
Christ with me, Christ before me, Christ behind me,
Christ in me, Christ beneath me, Christ above me,
Christ on my right, Christ on my left,
Christ when I lie down, Christ when I sit down,
Christ in the heart of every man who thinks of me,
Christ in the mouth of every man who speaks of me,
Christ in the eye that sees me,
Christ in the ear that hears me.
I arise today
Through a mighty strength, the invocation of the Trinity,
Through a belief in the Threeness,
Through a confession of the Oneness
Of the Creator of creation.
Through Christ our Lord, Amen.
Grace-Grace.
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